Walking in the door, I was really
uncomfortable; I made Emily go in first. The meeting was just starting. There were anywhere
between eighty and a hundred people there, all in one huge circle made of three or four rows. It was my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting.
The leader stressed throughout that everyone belonged in the
group. Pssh. Whatever. I didn't. ("I'm not an addict! I'm just here for class!")
And then they shared their stories.
These inspired me in a way that I did not expect. They were all so broken. Daily craving the drugs that had ruined their lives. Somebody explained it perfectly. “One pill is too many, but a
thousand is never enough.” Another said, “You
can’t think to change your behavior, you have to change your behavior to change
your thinking.” That one hit home with me. And I'm not an addict.
Ok so then I started realizing how wrong I had been at first. I did belong in this meeting.
I was amazed at how everything applied to my life. I have never done drugs and never intend to. But, to be perfectly honest, I'm an addict. I am addicted to my
sin. I sin every single day; I try finding things to take the place of God in
my heart and in my life. I make idols out of my problems; I put my trust in
other sinners. Nearly everything these people said spoke to me more than I
thought it ever would. I was amazed by the testimony of these people and their
stories of how God brought them closer to Him. One man said, “I hate the
disease, but I thank God I’m an addict.” It’s amazing how God draws us closer
to Him with terrible situations, addiction or otherwise, that brings Him more
glory because of how it enlightens us of our need for Him.
And the way they emphasized service. One man said, “Service
is where the real dope is.” He told everyone that the next time they were
struggling with craving for a drug that instead they should call someone else to
ask how they are doing. Service can really
give a new meaning and satisfaction in life. Again, this applied to my life so
much. I can think about my problems a lot, but one main way to take my mind off
of them is to think about other people’s problems and care for and serve them.
The end of the meeting was the most
amazing part. We were asked if there was anyone that wanted to
give up drugs and become clean. One woman immediately stood up, went to receive
her first keychain in a series of keychains they get for how long they go
without drugs, and was embraced by the leader while everyone applauded the most
genuinely happy applause I have ever heard. Everyone was truly celebrating how
this woman, addicted probably for years, was finally taking the first step in
deciding to be clean and give up an addiction that had consumed her for so
long. Everyone seemed to know how hard her decision was, but they were all there ready to support her. It was one of the most amazing celebrations I
have seen. Several other people were celebrating different amounts of time that
they got new keychains for. Everyone kept applauding and shouting, “Keep comin’
back!” The community and support were incredible. I couldn’t help but wonder
why we as believers don’t encourage each other more often like that. Each
member of the group was really truly there to support everyone else no matter
where they were in the process of giving up their addiction. Each person owned
up to their addiction without shame, proudly shouting their name followed by, “And
I’m an addict!” They all knew they had problems and they all knew they needed
help. Each of the stories told was to encourage others in the same situation.
They were all so accepting, so loving, and so excited to celebrate with people
their desire to give up their addiction.
Ok. So I was amazed at how much I
fit in at this meeting. I did not expect to feel that at all. Everything these
people said seemed to apply to my life. We are all sinners, consumed by earthly
pleasures distracting us from God. Nothing can take the place of God in our
lives, though we try in many ways. This meeting showed me what the community of
believers should look like. We are all fallen sinners trying to fill the void
in our lives that only God can truly fill. We must all come alongside each
other and serve each other, helping to help lift each
other up, away from our sins and addictions and closer to God instead.
Going to
this meeting made me really uncomfortable at first. But then it showed me that I
belonged there just as much as everyone else and the stories shared impacted me and revealed to me how fallen and broken I am and how truly
in need I am of a great God.
My name is Megan and I'm an addict.
