Today is the day we have been anticipating for a long time. My brother Sam, Second Lieutenant Wetselaar, is now on his way to Okinawa, Japan with his wife Dorinda.
Last August we found out that after Sam's logistics training in North Carolina, he was being sent to Japan. Of all places. We did not expect that.
I handled it by convincing myself February would never come. His graduation date on February 6 would never happen. Our last family gathering from February 7 to 10 was just too far away to ever actually come. I wouldn't have to say goodbye to my Marine brother. He wouldn't go to Japan because our time with our family was just too far away so it would never
really happen.
But it did.
I was dreading that weekend for the longest time. People asked me if I was excited to go. If it was someone I didn't know well I said yes. Those close to me got the honest answer: "No, I'm dreading it. I want to see everyone but I can't say goodbye to Sam."
Well, now for some background information. Over Christmas break I just had a lot on my plate I had to deal with that was really stressing me out. I just wasn't myself. I was awful to Sam. We kept fighting and getting really pissed at each other. So I didn't want to pick up where we left off, fighting and being all crabby, in the cabin in Tennessee and then say goodbye to him for three years.
Friday, February 8, came along. It was my turn to lead family devotions at dinner and I chose Psalm 139. I don't know how my family could even understand what I was saying because I was close to tears the whole time. I couldn't stop thinking about saying goodbye to Sam, hugging him for the last time, not seeing him for a really long time, and just missing him so badly. I finally made it through the Psalm and couldn't stop the tears from flowing during Dad's prayer. I left the dinner table and went downstairs and cried so hard. I didn't want Sam to leave.
Finally Sam came down by me. I apologized for being awful to him over Christmas Break and I told him I didn't want one of my favorite people in the world to move to Japan.
It was good. Not great. But good. I didn't know how else I would've conveyed to him how much I was going to miss him. I was really embarrassed about choking up in the middle of reading devotions in front of my entire family (none of them were sad, we still had two days of being all together). But it was good that I was able to tell (and show) Sam how much he meant to me and how much I did not want him to leave.
The rest of the weekend flew by. We had a lot of fun. We explored Gatlinburg, we ate incredible food, we warmed up in the hot tub, we did our gift exchange, etc. But I could have cried at any time because it hurt so much to know I had to say goodbye to Sam. An indefinite goodbye. "Goodbye, I don't know when I'll see you again."
Or if I will.
And so right now, as I'm typing this, Sam is in the air somewhere above the Pacific Ocean. They are finally on their way to Japan! What an adventure for them!
What a heartbreak for us.
I know how hard it was for Mom and Dad. Knowing how much they were hurting and crying back at home about it made me cry just as much here, even though my goodbye was over. But Sam called me the night before their flight, one last time, just to talk. I couldn't help but cry. I just missed him so bad. And then the next day Mom and Dad had to hug him, one last time, and watch him walk into the airport.
Sam is one of my favorite people ever. It's impossible not to be laughing when you're with him. It's impossible not to roll your eyes at him all the time either at his ridiculous jokes. It's so funny watching him with Finley and Levi. Finley's scared of Sam. Sam is still working on the whole holding babies thing, but he's getting better. It's so cute. Sam is such a planner and is the one to get us all going in the morning. And he treats his dog like she's actually his child. Sam loves telling the story of our deal some years ago...he let me punch him as hard as I wanted if he got to punch me as hard as he wanted through a pillow. He's an absolute dork and everybody, young and old, loves him.
He's crazy, but he's a leader. And now it's time for the Second Lieutenant to lead Marines in Japan.
So goodbye Sam. Goodbye to the best older brother I could have possibly asked for. I will miss you so much. Three years is a long time. It hurts so bad that you're gone now. But be safe.
And I love you so much.
